My life disappears ....

November 16th year 2010 . This day is the day which is the last day of my form 4 in catholic high school ,this day also marks the day where my comfort of home lurks into darkness and may never return ....

This awful day is the day I have just received my report card. As I took it ,I was shocked ,disappointed and afraid I would not be welcomed back as a family member in my family .My siblings are marvellous in their studies and I'm the opposite of that ,yes people think that I am more gifted than both of them and if I put in more hard work and effort into my studies ,I will be better than them .Perhaps they are right .Back to where I have my report card .The day ended so quickly and other students were celebrating with joy .Planning for outings, hanging out with friends etc. etc ...

I was in a situation where I had to act happy ,but shivered up inside. As I was on my way home, thinking to myself ,:"how am I supposed to report this results back to my parents ?Mum's okay but the other one will just murder me." As night falls ,I didn't know how to spit out the words ,I knew what was coming ahead of me... After dinner , he wanted to go to the supermarket. I was thinking to myself ,might as well tell him while we were there.. But before we left home, he already knew it was back, he just started to scold as usual, and took up the report card and used it to hit me simultaneously on me without hesitation. He scolded me with words that had sank deep down into my heart. " your'e bloody stupid , even dumber that a pig !Pigs are smarter than you... Bloody Fk*"$%..." when he notices this, surely he will try to deny it." but I'll never forget this incident.

I know and I confess that this term of examination I did horribly. I know that I did not do well at all, i take full responsibility of this failure, but nevertheless , even knowing it was too late, every morning before exam, i woke up at the wee hours of the morning around 2 to do a last minute preparation. I tried to make an effort there but it was just not enough.

Because of me not knowing how to tell him about my results ,now he calls me a betrayer. Betraying him. Now my life has totally lost its warmth ,comfort . Its just like I have lost my life. Yes ,the form 5 life is the most difficult of all and I only have a 1 shot chance at this, so now he cuts of my computer usage and wants to even cut of my cellphone usage. What difference is this home to a prison where prisoners are forced to do things and there is NO freedom, No choices. At times i even think of running away from home, hanging myself, but I cant stand to see my mother bearing the pain of me gone. My person is always here, but what I can say that, my heart will never be here.......

Do I have a father who treats me like a Teen ?

This morning , he brought me jogging ( which i hate ) . i just woke up at 6.30 a.m without saying a word . i didn't even speak as i thought it would make him angry because yesterday i hooked up on my computer . i was chatting with an overseas friend i have not met for 3 years now. He just shut off the modem and i became furious ... I just sat down there quitely and watched some movies .. later on , he chatted with my siblings who are in Singapore studying . i was right behind him reading the newspaper . He told them : " Your Brother , he is infected with computer ! He does not even read the [ NEWS PAPER ] !!! and wasting his good time . I said nothing about it , i just sat there and thank about what he said ....

Back to after the jogging , i finished my run and headed back to the car , i sat in there listening to the radio thinking " should I talk to him and make him less angry and will it make him more angry ?" after his run , i put the water on the driving seat for him . he just changed his shirt and came in to start the car . There were 2 bottles of water . I finnished the small bottle while i gave him the bigger bottle . I was sitting there quietly , he threw the bottle at me like i was a chair or something and started shouting at me saying " DRINK !! DRINK !! " i drank about 1/4 of water in the 1.5 litre bottle . He kept on Shoting " DRINK!! DRINK!!" . i had no choice but to drink it . at that time , i was thinking to myself , " am I any different from a Prisoner ? "... so I just kept quiet again ..

At home , i just went upstairs and took a shower and came down to have breakfast with him . I made a cup of MILO , and sit at the table and slowly drank it . he was eating some fruits and drinking his cup of ( thing ) . after awhile , he exoploded and started to shout at me , " Every morning , i make breakfast for you and put it on the table for you , have you ever tell me THANK YOU!! ???? " . For a moment there i froze and couldn't really say much as it was true . i never really told him Thank you . Just as i was going to say " sorry dad " . He turned to another thing and started again : " YOUR elder BROTHER !, every morning ! he wakes up and tells me GOOD MORNING ! do you ?! " . This i knew i did . Normally he leaves before i wake up , so I barely have the chance . But if i woke up early , i did .

After all these years , i've tolerated and did nothing about it . But everyone has a LIMIT . EVEN I DO! i am 15 years OLD ! i cant even have my own hair style i like , cant even leave my finger nails abit longer than usual after PMR , What difference am I from a 5 Year old Kid who goes to Kindergarten ?! I hope that only I have this father . So no one else has to suffer like this . He is a good one , He can take care of the family , can cook briliantly for the family . But his emotions are TERRIBLE ! i'm beggining to think im like the kid in " I NOT STUPID 2 " . but obviously my mother is not like that . My mother is way more kind and never acts emotionally . Guess i am lucky to have her ...

Now my father is at a stage i can't take anymore , sometimes i feel like studying better and migrating to Singapore . Even taking the 2 years of National Service i can take it ... Now i really can't take it already thats why i'm putting it on my blog ...

LOVE STORY - Taylor Swift

Love Story - Taylor Swift

Ding Dong Song - Günther

Nice Hotel Eh?, right in front and linked to the world class renouned ' The Venetian 'and that aint no cheap hotel , its the fourseasons , consider myself to be able to enjoy in that hotel considering that a night in that hotel cost about 500+ USD$

Fire in The Hole , my bro and sis playing the cannon in an old fort on our Hong Kong and Macau trip

Men in Black me and my dad with a spectacular view in china on our trip , i cut my hair though , looks kinda ugly